…with my NEW BLOG!  Yes, folks, what you’ve heard is true–I’m switching over to Blogspot.  SO much more user-friendly, for starters.  And I SO LOVE it!!!  I was struggling with how to add badges to my sidebar, and I never did quite figure it out over here on WordPress.  But SO much easier on Blogspot, thank heavens.  Plus I added a playlist…some of my absolute favorite songs of all time.  I just spent a bunch of time–but so worth it–formatting the thing with all of the same features I had on this blog.  I also deleted my most recent post here and put it up over there.  A little incentive, perhaps…

SO PLEASE, PLEASE FOLLOW ME OVER THERE!!!!

Here is the URL:  http://heather-mammawannabe.blogspot.com

I must admit, I am a little sad because there’s a history here, and I’ll have to decide whether to print out my favorite posts, comments etc.   I’m sure I will.  But change is good, right?  I’m about to go through the biggest change of my life so far (pregnancy, at least, since nothing’s guaranteed) so I might as well add this into the mix, too!

One big lesson I think I’ll end up learning from this pregnancy–however long it lasts–is to live in the moment. Instead of freaking out about the possibility of miscarriage, my new mantra is…

I have today, and that’s enough. I am pregnant today.

It’s truly the best lesson in taking things one day at a time! Of course I’m hoping for the full nine months, but I have to be realistic here…the miscarriage rates for a woman my age are high, and there ain’t nothin’ I can do about that.  My RE told me yesterday that about sixty to seventy percent of miscarriages happen due to chromosomal abnormalities, i.e. a bad egg.  And if that’s the case, miscarriage is unavoidable.  Believe me, I’m not blind to the fact that so many women don’t even get to this point, and for that I feel completely blessed.  More blessed than I thought possible…I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to this point.  But I’m so glad I’m here!  (the understatement of the year)

In my life so far, I think it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

Me!  Pregnant at age 39!  With sperm that’s been frozen for about ten years!  Unreal.  Seriously?  I’ve just been sitting here, gazing at this most perfect sight, savoring it, soaking it in.  I honestly never thought I’d actually see my very own positive pee stick, and here it is.  I was hoping for a faint line, and it’s so freakin’ DARK!  I swear it got that dark in less than fifteen seconds, too.  I always thought I’d start sobbing the moment I got a positive test, but I actually started whooping and hollering and LAUGHING.  Like, FINALLY!  I’ve “known” for the past week, since my symptoms were so different from the ones my body “made up” so many times before.  But it’s so great to get validation of those symptoms in the form of a positive test.  Now I just gotta figure out how to STAY pregnant…!  At least now I’ve got my foot in the door, so to speak, and right now I am SO ABSOLUTELY FREAKIN’ THRILLED!!

Life is so amazingly GOOD.

But to be perfectly honest, I only have one thing on my mind.  Which is, AM I OR AM I NOT?!

Ugh.  This wait is killin’ me.

If I had my way, I would crawl into bed and just sleep the next four or five days away.  I seriously find myself randomly looking at the clock and feeling pleasantly surprised that oh, wow, it’s four o’ clock already.  Another day almost down.

Really, how sad is that?!  I should be enjoying every day of this summer instead of wishing them away.  We’ve had beautiful, hot and sunny days recently and I should be OUT enjoying them.  Instead I’ve exiled myself inside my house and I just don’t want to see anyone right now.  It’s like, “Oh, so what’s new?”  And I have absolutely nothing to report.

Sucks. Sucks. Sucks.

Here’s the other thing I can’t figure out: if this cycle ends up to be a bust–in other words, if Aunt Flo rears her ugly head (sorry, Aunt Flo), say, on Friday afternoon, after the clinic closes (at NOON!), I won’t be able to start Femara again on day three of my cycle because that’ll be Sunday.  Although I guess I could decide, in that case, that day one of my cycle is Saturday instead of Friday, with no harm done.  I could start Femara again on Monday.  But of course I’m hoping witheveryfiberofmybeing that it’ll all be a moot point, that AF won’t even make an appearance at all.

And don’tcha know, I’m so trying to prepare myself, trying to convince myself that if it didn’t work, it’ll still be okay, that I can try again in July, and then August and so on.  But it’s not working.  This time, with the help of the two extra ultrasounds I had, the timing was absolutely, utterly PERFECT.  Of any cycle I’ve been through, this one should be the one.  Ugh.  Who knows.  I absolutely refuse to POAS until Monday at the absolute earliest, which will be 17 dpiui, and like I said, I hope I won’t have gotten my period by then.

Three more days.  I can do this, right?!

Not for me, but I can certainly celebrate with two other new mommies!

First of all, I am thrilled beyond thrilled for Ben and Rebekah over at Heart Cries, who are brand new parents to baby Ty!  A word to the wise, though: get the kleenexes ready, because it’s nearly impossible to read through it all and see the pictures without getting at least a little weepy.  My heart goes out to birthmom Rebekah, who is going through the unimaginable pain of giving up a child despite how much she obviously loves the adoptive parents Ben and Rebekah.

I am especially thrilled for friends of my cousin, John and Lori, whose healthy baby girl was born last Wednesday!  But here’s the kicker–the new baby girl is their first, but their SIXTH pregnancy.  SIX pregnancies and only one live birth.  John and Lori lost their son Liam at birth due to a prolapsed cord, then had one, maybe two miscarriages after that before baby girl’s arrival.  So she is a true miracle, and I couldn’t be happier!

(Not much new for me lately, other than the fact that I’ve got one week down and one to go before I test.  Symptoms?  Yes, but my body is an expert at pretending it’s pregnant, so I am currently NOT LISTENING lalalala!  Hurry up and wait, right?!  *sigh* )

Woo hoo!  Now I get to just take it easy and…wait.  If the number of snafus is a sign, then yeah, this cycle is destined for greatness. :)  I managed to walk out the door without my purse this morning, and didn’t realize it until I was almost there.  As the clinic is a full half hour away, I had no choice but to show up, explain my predicament, and beg for mercy.  (Because my insurance doesn’t cover any of it, I have to pay in full each time I go.) And thankfully, they did the insemination anyway!  My RE was so sweet to me, too–he really is a good guy.  (I didn’t see him at all for the first two diui’s.) He really makes up for his crappy receptionists. :)

I’m not sure whether anyone is still reading this blog, but that’s okay…it’s mainly an outlet for me, anyway.  So here is said update, for whoever might be out there:

  • Ultrasound number two took place today, and everything looks “gorgeous”–in my RE’s words.  One terrific follicle, still, just about ready to go, and a few other smaller ones on the other side.  Good lining, all systems go.
  • I was given strict instructions to do an OPK this afternoon, and if negative, give myself a shot of Ovi.drel in preparation for a Friday diui.  Which is exactly what happened.  If my OPK were positive, I would be planning to go in tomorrow morning instead.  So Friday it is.
  • The Ovi.drel shot represents the first fertility-related shot I’ve had to do.  Yay for firsts, I guess.  But it was ridiculously easy, so no worries there.  So now I get to call in to the clinic tomorrow morning to cancel my morning appointment, and confirm Friday’s.
  • I’m really thankful for all of the RE’s vigilance with this cycle.  But the flip side–the BAD side–is that now I’m finding myself putting even more stock, more hope,  into this cycle.  I DON’T WANT TO CARE!!!  Because I’ll end up even more disappointed if/when it doesn’t work.
  • Wish me luck.
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